I'm Emo...

Why is September not over yet!?

The only time you'll know I'm stressed out is when you see I have abnormal more than one post a day. (Because I told you so) I've so many things I want to pour out, although my blog does not portray my true feelings but I'm an emotional being, I want to crap about crappy feelings I'm feeling right now. But..... where does my help come from? Like the Psalmist says, "I lift up my eyes to the hills–where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip–he who watches over you will not slumber; Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you–the LORD is your shade at your right hand; The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm–he will watch over your life; The LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

I'm amazed at myself for what I used to recite as a child in Sunday School come to me when I seek most where to turn to for comfort in moment like this. I'm feeling EMO today! Please be nice to me!

On the other note, my Digi broadband was barred again this morning for the late payment. I wish they can make my life easier by offering direct debit from my bank account service like the other credit services. Because I tend to forget to pay on time as I don't get billing to my home address. That, however had me having no choice but to drive down to the town. I'm an early bird, I reached Digi Centre too early they were still closed. I sighed because I have to wait 45 minutes till they open at 9am. Nevertheless, I had Laksa at Alloha while waiting.

Oh, I passed by Sibu Gateway and noticed colourful lanterns display to commemorate the coming Mooncake Festival in Sibu as I was told. If you're planning to come to Sibu, remember this Saturday's Mooncake Festival is an event you must not miss. At night with these lanterns above your head as your stroll around Sibu compact town, they are gorgeous- please don't leave your camera at home.

Talking about mooncakes, the Project's Boss came back from China and we were bestowed with goodies from China and China's mooncakes.

Not nice. The filling is too sweet, felt like biting into a chunk of rock sugar. Don't tell the Project's Boss. However, it's the thought that counts.

He's (the boss) a humble person, very down to earth. A boss like him with such a formidable personality is rare to find. You don't often get bosses travel around the world and bring home souvenirs to friends and staffs.

We got a pack of Chinese nuts I'm not sure of what it's called. The outer brown shell covering the nut that need to crack open and inside expose the charcoal like coasted layer that taste like raw cocoa. Nice.

Here's a happy Spongebob Squarepants from KFC Chicky Meal my nephew showed me last night. I caught this picture of Spongebob about to fall, funny thing is I didn't know all the while Spongebob has only 2 front teeth.

Cardboard Spongebob Squarepants!

I wonder why KFC Chicky Meal always come out with cheap toys to entice children :| Gah!

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It Was A Mistake and I'm Not Your Bitch

Traffic to my site was abnormally high yesterday, directed from two different links. Cursed was me on that day, blessed was probably on my site with 200% increase of viewers. Half, apart from my own regular viewers and google's stumble upon were from Mr. Wee's The Bitch Is Back, Talk-talk's comment column and clare's.

People are obviously talking over there. I choose not to defend myself from people's opinions and thoughts, it's not a war and it's not my war on quick to judge people. It's more graceful to acknowledge my mistake and get over with it. My apologies post was also published on FB and nuffnang innit immediately. I've admitted my fault, my conscience is clear in the face of rumors and slanders targeted at me on Mr. Wee's post.

Here's the referring URL: http://suituapui.wordpress.com/2009/09/13/the-bitch-is-back/ from my sitemeter for your interest.

I would like to clear what was assumed by Mr. Wee about me using many nicks, anonymous that sounds like me, it's a 'guessing game' I had a painful experience before on kscb. I'm sensitive with the issue.

But first, in today's freedom of speech, what we view as harsh and rude words are 'cool' words to the aghast youngsters. Among their own circular norm of society, they nick named themselves 'bitch' which is a cool term. Today the meaning 'bitch' has expanded, in Wiki, 'bitch' in a feminist context can indicate a strong or assertive woman, one who might make men feel threatened. When applied to a man, 'bitch' is a derogatory term for a subordinate.

It was 911
I don't usually read clare's personal blog but would drop by once in a blue moon, I remember the first time I went there was the title, 'Kampua Talk' when I was searching Sibu resource on Internet. All I know about her blog is she write good articles. The last post I went to was her link featured on The Borneo Post about her childhood schooling days. My routine blogs reading was usually clicking on someone's side bar's blog list like Sarawakiana, Yan On Second Thoughts, Rubber Seeds and Borneo Tips, some blog comments are particular requiring sign-in, I'm on blogspot, automatically I'm signed in as jg or jane. I don't disguise as anonymous, although I used (='.'=) catface on HB's blog a lot once upon a time, until someone went to fight a battle with me on HB's blog I stopped commenting there for a while but I did realise I use jg or jane (unregistered) lately. My IPS is fix, it's DIGInet, if you know how to trace IPS. Probably the only 1 or 2 in Sibu.

Back to 'it was 911', it was Friday noon, as usual I did my routine blog reading habit, jumping from one blog to another and most posts were about 911, I remember clearly I was on Mr. Wee's blog (Mr. Wee was never known as stp to me) I guess it was my unlucky day, I typed stp on clare's comment after I'd read hers. It was a condolences.

Back on my mind, I remember a post I just read. It was about the author's mother. She'd passed on for 100 days on 911, the post was dedicated to a mother. I was touched by the way she write. I remember clearly the picture of her mom siting on the bed, smiling. It was her love for her mom. That was on my mind when I was on clare's blog, it registered in my head 911 is about the saddest tragedy to remember.

Mr. Wee seems to remember a lot on my comments that I don't, I have commented probably a few hundreds on blogsphere so far practically on blogspot as blogspot to blogspot does not require me to sign-in. One that I remember so well was a post on 'Perpustakaan Bergerak' Mr. Wee posted about a missing letter on 'Perpustakaan' as if they can't spell the word. I can't remember which letter but I commented after the post. Something like, 'they don't need more dictionaries, it was probably a notorious kid's work peeling off one of the letter'. All they need is to replace the missing letter, I don't believe they can't spell 'Perpustakaan'.

The blur pictures I can remember so clear was on arwenskingdom's blog. She stated, all her photos were taken with Sony Camera, they were blur and I'm a Sony's fan. I felt embarrassed for Sony, it was my natural instinct, I dropped her a comment, 'eh, your picture so blur...' followed by some tips telling her to try 'anti-shake' was that an offensive remark? It wasn't meant to offend her. On her following update, I returned to her blog and saw her thank you's reply, next to my comment was Mr. Wee's comment, I thought to myself, 'eh, Mr. Wee also come here ka?' I probably did comment on his blur pictures, I totally can't remember, the fact is they were blur with handphone cam, the last I went there the pictures were great and nice isn't that a change? I didn't know he's sensitive with such comments. People love reading good blog with clear pictures, but I guess not many can take comments. Perhaps mine sounded blunt, he doesn't like me.

All I know about Mr. Wee's blog is his good English, an English major if I'm not wrong, (please correct me) in education field. I'm a person with interest in learning, most of the time I take advantage in reading to improve my English from someone I know with good English speaking background like Sarawakiana, Yan, Rubber Seeds and Mr. Wee as the older bloggers use proper English, words like 'bitch', 'fuck', 'wtf' and 'knncbb' are eliminated from their writing, it makes reading comfortable. The new generation however take that kind of words as so cool. You'd stumble a lot on today's youngsters freedom of speech's blogs misusing of words. They'd call anyone stands in their way a bitch, a slut and a whole, fuck anything they want to fuck, they feel cool about it. They are unconscious of their own actions most of the time. They are so-called the 'cool' generation.

I was kept wondering why clare didn't notify me of my mistake, but I guess who am I that she would do so. I can understand the bond of friendship between clare and Mr. Wee are strong, no doubt clare would stand as a friend all the way for Mr. Wee. If it was not for the sitemeter, I'm left cursed forever. It was already 10.30pm when I realised something was wrong, I was frantically looking for 'delete the message' button to save the day but it was too late. I looked for clare on my MSN only to realise I haven't downloaded my MSN on my new Sony. I went to Mr. Wee's blog hoping to drop him an apologies note, darn! it was too late. The post was already up, published with the title, 'The Bitch Is Back'. DARN! since when am I his bitch?

I wanted to call HB, the only person I know from Sibu could possibly be keeping Mr. Wee's phone numbers to call for clarification. It was really my unlucky day, his number is not in my new phone's memory, it was in the old phone with swelled battery. Nothing can be done anymore.

Honestly, I lost my respect for a man who was supposed to set an example for today's kids in regard to netiquette and proper writing especially when you are in the education field. On the other hand he was quick to judge. Sorry I was misunderstood. Mr. Wee was hurt by my unintended comment but care-less enough to seek clarification first before publicly calling me a bitch on his blog. I can understand how he felt that instant after he received sms from clare. I feel for him, I'm sorry. I know how hurt it's when someone talk about your mother. My parents do teach me about respect. The malay has, 'syurga di telapak kaki ibu'.

I do feel very-very bad about the incident. Sibu is only a town, generally speaking if you are a food person, eat out often in Sibu, chances are 80% out of 100% you will bump into each other not counting the functions, the church on Sundays and shopping malls. My mom who doesn't read blogs may one day say, 'that's Mr. Wee your former tuition teacher, go and greet him'. I wouldn't be able to tell my mom, I can't..... I'm a bitch.

Though I am personally discouraged. I sense in my heart, the verse I've not forgotten, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember You."

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I was at Everrise this morning that I saw a little girl throwing a tantrum in the supermarket aisle. I took a look at her, she’s got sweet baby face anyone would adore except for her throwing a tantrum that instant while her mom just ignored her and busy herself picking some fruit into the grocery cart. At that moment, how I wish to tell the mom, ‘hey, the kid deserves a spanking’.

Have The Cheek!
A little girl running to her boyfriend, 'Thaaaaat.. that girl vandalised my 'cardboard box house', are you not doing anything?'

This post is the continuation from here It seems like when I was most at my moodiness was when someone just a random someone will do, to accuse me without first finding out the truth saying, I’ve started it to have caused me to call down fire. Argg!

B3ta: get *** to go flame BT for what hah?... It’s HER blog (like the heck I care it's her blog) have the cheek to ask *** to ‘defend’ you somemore…
(Myst3's chatterbox)

(Although *** is a friend, I seriously don't know what he's done) that was the worse baseless accusation I had throughout my *online* life that very instant. Serious, my ‘life’ that’s everything I have online encountering someone hiding behind nicks. It’s funny why every time I open my laptop to check my email, I came across this word over and over again pops up in my head and it causes my heart to beat faster than usual. Somehow, just because someone wanted to please his girlfriend, and feeling good to flare his kiddie egocentric online to reprimand others. But every time at the end of it after I’ve composed my entry for the day, funny still I could console myself, ‘a friend who defends me is a friend indeed even if I never asked him to!'

You Are Too Weak, You Can't Even Defend Yourself
It was strange though or was I really that weak to defend myself? I suddenly realised I was told so by someone I called a friend in her 40s once over a coffee at a kopitiam in Kuching. That early morning brought us to have a woman to woman talk as she referred to it, I was in my casual wear and didn't bother much about make-up but before we even started anything she retorted by telling me rather cynically, it came out from her mouth like she's memorised the scripts over the night and can't wait to deliver it, ‘Your sense of fashion is very bad, try a little make-up will make you look more attractive. *** is just not for you, I have someone else for him and SHE IS MY FRIEND, she is so much more better…!' (like the heck I care she’s so much more better) just in a split second, I was feeling like being 'killed' on the spot.

I thought that was like stabbing me with one really sharp folding multipurpose pocket knife she took out of from her very costly LV handbag, it looks harmless but the cut was deep. I would appreciate the chat so much but the fact that she interfered in the relationship matter was a crap. That one stab had me drove home that day with tears welled in my eyes not because of *** is just not for me but now I'd realized one friend I had had turned out to be unexpectedly cruel who’d got the gut to alter out something that doesn't even concern her. Later, to add, knowing that I could be upset, she sent me a sms, *You are too WEAK and you can’t even DEFEND yourself* now that was one WTFreak!!

For a certain period of time after that, that words keep playing on my mind and how does 'defend yourself' implies in this situation? Took a butter knife that was placed on the table on that instant there and fight?

I thought I had the suffice strength albeit being cool about all the crap and realised I actually never had and that doesn’t make me a crying little girl running to mummy complaining about the big girl next door has bullied me or to have the cheek to ask someone or anyone to defend me although I wish I can call down fire.

B3ta: have the cheek some more to ask *** to ‘defend’ you. This is such an insult!!

Last, if our paths should ever cross (which I wish it will not happen) you will know it's me when you hear someone calling you HAOLIAN-lah stuck-up kiddiessss! Well and again at least this isn't as rude as you ever called me 'fucked-up-fucking-tool-crappy-life-psycho....'

....................................text removed... I am so tired!>>

Related Post>>

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Bitemarks!

I've removed my room's curtains a month ago to have them washed. Since I'd be moving out soon, I don't feel it necessary to put back up the curtains and most of all it makes my tiny bedroom feel cool and airy at night without need to switch on the aircond. The cool fresh air from the outside surrounded by greenery and woke up every morning to the sound of birds chirping. Sometimes to the sound of squirrels running through the gutters like steps of little people chasing after each other on the roof of the house and at times when the tide is high, the moon usually appears bright in the sky. I can hear the sound of rushing water to the shore, the wolves howling. It's such a romantic ambient of the nature, sound of rushing water with birds and jungle. I'd miss soon :)

Bite marks on my right arm I thought was some kind of bed ticks.

Lately I'd spend plenty of time in my tiny room usually sitting near one of the windows on my study table into the night waiting for my prince charming on his white horse to come that I've began to believe the lovebites were from the tiny sand-flies that flown in through the window netting gaps (I happened to smack few that landed on my skin that tell of how sure I am it was sand-fly bites) I woke up to see bite marks on my right arm this morning. So horrible, I think I'd look very bad like Miriam's punishment of leprosy when she complains about the Cushite woman Moses has married (the marks I mean). I don't know how am I going to wear my sexy evening gown for the evening function later *__* ..... arrgh! it's kampua time!

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